A new year starts, with new beginnings, resolutions, good intentions, and so forth. We go to bed one day, possibly after a few too many flutes of champagne, and we wake up the next day expecting everything to have changed and each year we decide this will be the year when we are finally going to be healthier, more frugal, fitter, kinder, more ecological, eat less ,drink less, eat more, find ‘the one’ and so on…. except it hasn’t changed, nothing is different at all. It’s still a cold damp dreary mid-winter day, we are still broke after overdoing things at Christmas, and quite probably, we have a stinking hangover to nurse as well. I know I always fail.
All the things that have previously upset me, bothered me, prevented me from exercising or eating healthily are still there. I always put the year gone by in a neat little box, and file it away neatly in my mind with all the other years, ready to begin again. A fresh start, thinking each that this time is different, this time I will manage it.
Usually just to fail within the first week or so, and very soon I am back to my lazy old ways. Some fail through no fault of my own, internet dating failed because of a lack of suitable matches. Apparently there isn’t a great market for chubby, middle aged, tattooed, eccentric ladies, with an interest in taxidermy, in spite of how pretty their blue eyes are? And I couldn’t possibly cycle or walk the 54 mile round trip to work each day. Usually my good intentions fail because of me as I gradually creep back into my old familiar ways and habits.
So this year I have decided there are to be no resolutions, no good intentions. I shall simply strive to be the best person that I can be with what I have. I am never going to be six foot tall, nor am I going to be a size 10 again and I certainly can’t get any younger, just as I can’t get rid of my chronic illnesses Why pretend to myself that I can? Just as l have been doing for the last few years, and inevitably feeling down because of my failures.
This year I expect I shall be an acceptable mother, unreliable friend, and to be averagely good at my jobs, all of them, and no doubt continue to manage my money badly. Just as I always have, however I shall keep smiling, I shall be available if friends and family need help, and continue to look for the positive.
Oh and this year, I shall definitely remain single. Unless somebody knows of a gentleman with a par chant for diminutive, plump middle-aged ladies with body ink, with a love of all things weird, that is.
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